Guided Tour

Welcome
to the field.

This way, big tech. Watches on — ours doesn't watch you.
Nine stops, one field. The gate's back the way you came. We go forward.
Begin the tour ›
The walk

Follow me.

01

The Keynote

"We open here. Same stage they use, same font, same 'one more thing.' Everything you're about to see, the App Store is not."
Step inside ›
02

The Rejection

"Here's what happened. We're App Review now; the app on the table is the App Store. Guideline 4.3. Mind the Teks in the reviews — they're real ones."
Step inside ›
03

The Analysis

"Was it even read? We ran the rejection through the field. Probably a bot. To your right, the Saturation Index — note the one gold bar."
Step inside ›
04

The Hard Copy

"What we did about it. Rob and Blazej printed all 16,514 lines into binders and walked them in. There's an apple on the desk. It's for the teacher."
Step inside ›
05

KenshoHeart

"Coverage, but for a heart, not an apple. No deductible — the math won't allow it. Free, and it doesn't break."
Step inside ›
06

Field Essentials

"Business essentials without the business. We're the distribution — that's the security. And no, we don't watch what you do."
Step inside ›
07

KenshoTek ABM

"The back office. Our Apple Business Manager — same logic as your MDM, opposite posture. It manages nothing. Every route ends at the water."
Step inside ›
08

The Gala

"Black tie. They're canonizing Saint Apple and crowning a note app App of the Year. There's an empty pew at the back. Don't sit in ours."
Step inside ›
09

The Water

"And we're out. This is where the tour ends and the field begins: kensho.cc, floating. Mind the buoys. Bring your heart."
Walk out ›
The takeaway

You came in one shade.

You leave in fifty. And then some.
one shade infifty shades out
That's their store: fifty shades of gray — all the same gray. Ours keeps one more thing after the fifty.
50X
X comes after the fifty, not before. And it is not a multiplier — there is no "times" here. X is the variable. The shade they can't name. We use the right convention, with conviction.
Call us what you want. Not actors — actors pretend, and there's nothing here to fake. Players? Sure. The kind who crush. But players play. We don't play. We compute the shades of gray. To the bit.
— KenshoTek
Your guides today

The team.

Different shades of gray, by design. Ladies in pink. All in Jacques Marie Mage. Golden leads, Leo follows — no arguing.
GoldenTekDEKXII
Design lead
LeoTekJKX
Design — follows the lead
AquaTekXVI
Floor manager — keeps it moving if Sage gets ideas
SageTekICV10
Ideas (today's tek)
VirgoTek
Inspection — nothing ships unchecked
VenusTekVII
In pink — the ladies wear pink
We don't just behave better — we look better. Ask Kevin Samuels; he did the score.
Eyewear: Jacques Marie Mage, all around. No arguing.
End of tour

Thank you for visiting the field.

We loved having you. We even love Apple — it's what got us here.
The last page ›kensho.cc ›
◈ Guided Tour · A KenshoTek Field Dispatch · rteks.net/dispatch · best viewed at xapple.net
Opinion & satire · parody · no trademarks endorsed or affiliated · East Bay, CA · Alcatraz in view · 925
Only KenshoTek and God are laughing — up to isomorphism.