Program
Order of Service
- IThe Procession the lanyards enter, two by two
- IIThe Canonization Saint Apple, Patron of the Soft Gate
- IIIThe Reading from the Book of Guidelines, 4:3
- IVThe Nominees and what they are wearing
- VThe Crowning App of the Year
- VIThe Benediction and the empty pew at the back
II · The Canonization
Saint Apple
Patron of the Soft Gate · Keeper of the 30% Tithe
Holy because they said so · Spineless by design
Miracles attributed: a flashlight, blessed; a maker, turned away
Holy because they said so · Spineless by design
Miracles attributed: a flashlight, blessed; a maker, turned away
III · The Reading
"And the shelf was full, and they called it good.
And a maker came bearing a free gift,
and they said: it is saturated. take it away.
And lo — a flashlight entered, and a fart button,
and a calendar that addeth time,
and they were blessed. Amen." — The Book of Guidelines · 4:3
And a maker came bearing a free gift,
and they said: it is saturated. take it away.
And lo — a flashlight entered, and a fart button,
and a calendar that addeth time,
and they were blessed. Amen." — The Book of Guidelines · 4:3
IV · The Nominees
On the Carpet
01
The .ai Note App
Wearing a single text box, by someone else's model, in a trench coat. "You can speak to it." It cannot listen. The favorite to win.
02
The 47th Habit Tracker
In $9.99-a-month couture. Charges you to remember you exist. Radiant.
03
The Flashlight
Turns the screen white. Two ads on the train of a privacy policy. Stunning. Approved in fourteen hours.
04
The 9,000th Calendar
Timeless. Literally adds time. To a calendar. The committee wept.
V · The Crowning
✠
And the envelope, sealed in holy wax, opened…
The .ai Note App
The room rose. The incense thickened.
"You can bring it to the C-suite."
"You can bring it to the water cooler."
"You can even speak to it."
Impressive.
It does not take notes.
It takes rounds.
"You can bring it to the C-suite."
"You can bring it to the water cooler."
"You can even speak to it."
Impressive.
It does not take notes.
It takes rounds.
They held a gala for the gate.
We never knocked.
You don't knock on a door with no spine —
you walk through where the wall used to be.
We never knocked.
You don't knock on a door with no spine —
you walk through where the wall used to be.
VI · The Benediction
There is an empty pew at the back of the cathedral. That one's ours. We RSVP'd no.
The gate is soft. It has no spine. So we don't approach it — you cannot be turned away from a door you never walked toward.
While they canonized a note app, we put a planetarium on a wrist and gave it away. No altar. No incense. No envelope. No tithe.
Just the work — in the open field — where the only ceremony is shipping.
The Field Award · No Ceremony Required
AstroTeks
The Teks Watch
KenshoTek
kensho.cc
wins · wins · wins · impressive
Go in peace.
Build what works, not what gets canonized.
✠ 925 ✠
Build what works, not what gets canonized.
✠ 925 ✠