monday.com runs ads everywhere.
the ads feature: bouncing colored circles.
happy people looking at dashboards.
the word "streamline" in 48pt sans-serif.
someone saying "we use monday for everything."
what they never show in the ad:
the 4-hour onboarding call.
the "monday.com certified consultant" they hired.
the slack message saying "wait which board is this in?"
the sub-item of a sub-item of a sub-item that contains the actual deadline.
the automation that fired twice and now nobody knows what's real.
◈ FIELD ROAST · DISPATCH · 2026-03-22
MONDAY
.COM
.COM
A PROJECT MANAGEMENT TOOL THAT REQUIRES ITS OWN PROJECT TO MANAGE. · PURE MATH. · 925
facebook asks: what's on your mind?
monday.com asks: have you set up your automation workflow to remind you to check the board that tracks the project that manages the thing you were trying to do?
you had a task.
you no longer have a task.
you have a board.
monday.com asks: have you set up your automation workflow to remind you to check the board that tracks the project that manages the thing you were trying to do?
you had a task.
you no longer have a task.
you have a board.
what monday.com actually is, per the math
what they call itWork OS™
what it isa spreadsheet with anxiety
time to onboard3–5 business days
time to do the task without monday20 minutes
number of colored circles in the ad∞
number of colored circles that represent your actual work0
price per user/month$12–$24
price of a sticky note$0.004
automations available200+
automations you'll manually configure before giving up1
more features = less work done. the series diverges.
let W = actual work completed
let F = features in your project management tool
let T = time spent managing the project management tool
observation: as F → ∞, T → ∞
corollary: as T → ∞, available time for W → 0
monday.com: F = 847 features (automations, dashboards, views, integrations, widgets, sub-items, mirrors, workdocs...)
monday.com F → ∞ ⟹ T → ∞ ⟹ W → 0
∴ monday.com approaches zero productivity as a limit. Q.E.D.
Fig. 1 — the trend is negative. has always been negative.
monday.com is at the far right of this chart for a reason.
monday.com is at the far right of this chart for a reason.
they advertise colored circles. that's it. that's the product.
Fig. 2 — they cross on day 3. after that, monday.com is the job.
the original job is a sub-item somewhere.
the original job is a sub-item somewhere.
charge 1: "Work OS"
an operating system runs processes efficiently underneath everything else. monday.com is not underneath anything. it IS everything. it replaced the work. operating systems are invisible. monday.com requires weekly training sessions. not an OS. a second job.
charge 2: the dashboard of dashboards
monday.com lets you build dashboards. the dashboard shows widgets. the widgets show boards. the boards have groups. the groups have items. the items have sub-items. the sub-items have updates. the updates reference other boards. there is no floor. you can nest until the heat death of the universe.
charge 3: the "automation"
"when status changes to done, notify person, move item, create sub-item, send email, update mirror, and change color." you spent 45 minutes building this automation. it would have taken 8 seconds to just tell the person. the automation breaks on thursday. nobody knows why. the item is now in three boards simultaneously.
charge 4: monday.com university
they have a university. a full curriculum. certifications. a community forum where people post monday.com tips. this is a project management tool. not a discipline. you should not need a degree to track your tasks. a sticky note requires no alumni network.
◈ FIGURE 3 · WHERE YOUR TASK IS IN MONDAY.COM
an operating system runs processes efficiently underneath everything else. monday.com is not underneath anything. it IS everything. it replaced the work. operating systems are invisible. monday.com requires weekly training sessions. not an OS. a second job.
charge 2: the dashboard of dashboards
monday.com lets you build dashboards. the dashboard shows widgets. the widgets show boards. the boards have groups. the groups have items. the items have sub-items. the sub-items have updates. the updates reference other boards. there is no floor. you can nest until the heat death of the universe.
charge 3: the "automation"
"when status changes to done, notify person, move item, create sub-item, send email, update mirror, and change color." you spent 45 minutes building this automation. it would have taken 8 seconds to just tell the person. the automation breaks on thursday. nobody knows why. the item is now in three boards simultaneously.
charge 4: monday.com university
they have a university. a full curriculum. certifications. a community forum where people post monday.com tips. this is a project management tool. not a discipline. you should not need a degree to track your tasks. a sticky note requires no alumni network.
Fig. 3 — your task is at the bottom. there is no shortcut to the bottom.
you must click through every layer. every time.
you must click through every layer. every time.
◈ FIELD VERDICT · ROAST COMPLETE · KENSHODB ENTRY FILED
monday.com is not a product.
it is a commitment to the idea of organizing work
instead of doing work.
it sells the feeling of productivity
using colored circles
and the word "streamline"
to people who are actively drowning in tasks.
the task was always simple.
you chose a dashboard.
a sticky note costs $0.004.
a sticky note has never required certification.
a sticky note has never sent an automation email to the wrong person at 3am.
a sticky note has never nested itself inside another sticky note.
pure math. 925. use a sticky note.
it is a commitment to the idea of organizing work
instead of doing work.
it sells the feeling of productivity
using colored circles
and the word "streamline"
to people who are actively drowning in tasks.
the task was always simple.
you chose a dashboard.
a sticky note costs $0.004.
a sticky note has never required certification.
a sticky note has never sent an automation email to the wrong person at 3am.
a sticky note has never nested itself inside another sticky note.
pure math. 925. use a sticky note.
◈ PRIMARY ATTRIBUTION
AQUATEKXVI
ROBERT KOCHAN · KENSHOTEK LLC · 925
◈ SECONDARY ATTRIBUTION
SCORPTEKXII
FIELD WITNESS · KENSHOTEK LLC · 925
◈ TERTIARY ATTRIBUTION
GOLDENTEKDEKXII
LEAD MARKETING · KENSHOTEK LLC · 925
PURE MATH · 925 · SLICE 'EM · USE A STICKY NOTE
◈ MONDAY.COM · FIELD ROAST · DISPATCH · KENSHOTEK LLC · 2026-03-22
W→0 AS F→∞ · THE TASK WAS ONE SENTENCE · COLORED CIRCLES ARE NOT A STRATEGY
AQUATEKXVI · KENSHODB · 925
W→0 AS F→∞ · THE TASK WAS ONE SENTENCE · COLORED CIRCLES ARE NOT A STRATEGY
AQUATEKXVI · KENSHODB · 925