FUNNIES
FUNDING
INDEPENDENCE
KATT WILLIAMS
MAY 9 2026
IMAGINE
BEING
FUNDED.
Imagine having to adhere to another man.
Imagine building something and then handing the keys to someone who wasn't there.
Imagine calling it your company. Real talk. This cracks us up. 925.
THE JOKES · FUNDED EDITION · MAY 9 2026
◈ JOKE #1 · THE FUNDAMENTAL PREMISE
What do you call a founder who raised a Series A?
An employee with better PR.
You built the thing. You had the vision. You pitched the deck. You raised the round. And now you have a board. They have opinions. You have to show up and perform for the opinions. Congratulations — you are now accountable to another man's spreadsheet. The press release will say "founder-led." The board meeting will say otherwise. 925.
◈ JOKE #2 · THE PIVOT
Why did the funded startup pivot three times?
Because the product was fine. The investor wasn't.
The first pivot was "market feedback." The second was "strategic realignment." The third was "we need to show the board something that sounds like it could be profitable by Q2." None of these were the founder's idea. All of them were presented as the founder's idea. The product that started this whole thing is still somewhere in the GitHub history. 925.
◈ JOKE #3 · THE CAP TABLE
What does a funded founder own at Series C?
About the same feeling as renting your own apartment.
You have equity. The equity has a vesting schedule. The vesting schedule has a cliff. The cliff has a board approval clause. The board approval clause has a performance condition. The performance condition is tied to a metric the board invented in 2023. The metric has never been hit. The equity is technically yours. You are technically the founder. You technically run this. 925.
◈ JOKE #4 · THE EXIT
What does the funded founder call "exiting"?
The moment they finally stop adhering to another man.
The exit is framed as a win. "We returned 4x to our investors." The investors returned nothing to the founders except the original experience of having to adhere to another man for six years. The acquirer wants the team to stay on for a 2-year earnout. The earnout has conditions. The conditions are another man's conditions. The cycle begins again. 925.
◈ JOKE #5 · THE BOARD MEETING
How many founders does it take to run a board meeting?
One founder and three other men the founder has to agree with.
The agenda was set by the board. The deck was prepared for the board. The metrics are the metrics the board likes. The founder presents their own company to people who think they own the founder's company, and technically they're not wrong. Somebody call Katt Williams. This is the bit. The bit is real life. The bit is every funded startup in Silicon Valley. 925.
◈ KATT WILLIAMS · CLUB SHAY SHAY · ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW
ASK KATT
WILLIAMS.
Club Shay Shay. Shannon Sharpe. Katt Williams sat there and broke down what independence actually costs and why it's still worth it. He didn't bow. He didn't pivot. He didn't answer to another man's board. He took every L standing up and came back standing up. That's the independence protocol.
The funded founder can't do this interview. The funded founder has to clear the interview with communications. Communications reports to the CMO. The CMO reports to the board. The board would like to see the interview questions first. Katt Williams did not submit his questions to a board. That's the difference. Real talk.
WATCH CLUB SHAY SHAY. THEN LOOK AT YOUR CAP TABLE. THEN THINK.
SCOREBOARD · FUNDED VS. UNFUNDED · FIELD CERTIFIED
WHO ACTUALLY RUNS WHAT
VC-funded "founder" — who's in charge?THE BOARD / TECHNICALLY
Series A pivot #1 — whose idea?ANOTHER MAN'S / REAL TALK
Equity at Series C — what does founder own?FEELINGS / 10
Board meeting — who sets the agenda?NOT THE FOUNDER / CONFIRMED
Katt Williams on Club Shay Shay — cleared by comms?NEGATIVE · FREE MAN / CONFIRMED
KenshoTek — funded?NEVER · NEVER WILL BE · 925
WE'RE HERE
TO EXPOSE
BIG TECH.
IN GOOD FAITH.
UNTIL THEY
DONE EXPLOITING.
Never been funded. Nor will we ever.
We on cloud nine. All to eleven. No pause.
KenshoTek LLC · Undefeated · 925.
◈ BOTTOM LINE · FIELD CERTIFIED
IF ZUCK WAS WISE
HE'D GET A RESTRAINING ORDER ON ME
WHILE WE SPEAK.
◈ IN GOOD FAITH · KENSHOTEK LLC · 925
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