FUNNIES
BIG TECH
LAFFY TAFFY
CVS
MAY 9 2026
LAFFY
TAFFY.
BIG TECH EDITION.
Got the Laffy Taffy at CVS. Same run as the Manuka. Read the jokes on the wrapper.
Realized big tech CEOs are just Laffy Taffy jokes that got funded. Hard roast. 925.
THE JOKES · WRAPPER SERIES · MAY 9 2026
◈ WRAPPER #1 · MARK ZUCKERBERG
Why did Mark Zuckerberg cross the road?
To harvest your location data on the other side.
He didn't want to go to the other side. He wanted to know which side you go to, how often, at what time, and whether your friends go too. The road was free. The road was always free. You're the toll. Meta AI nobody asked for: also free. Same deal.
◈ WRAPPER #2 · SAM ALTMAN
What do you call a $157 billion autocomplete?
Sam Altman's entire pitch deck.
We're not saying GPT-4 isn't impressive. We're saying $157 billion for a very confident guesser is the greatest Laffy Taffy joke ever told with a straight face. Codex writes your code. OpenAI writes your valuation. Nobody writes the check because the check is just more equity. 925.
◈ WRAPPER #3 · DARIO AMODEI
Why does Dario Amodei look worried all the time?
Because he built the thing he's worried about.
Constitutional AI. Responsible scaling. Frontier safety. He wrote the memo on why we should be scared, then shipped the thing anyway, then wrote another memo. Full credit for the worry. Zero credit for stopping. The most politely anxious $18B company in human history. Bless up Dario. We see you.
◈ WRAPPER #4 · ELON MUSK
What do you call a man who buys a bird app, renames it X, and calls it a financial super app?
The world's most expensive rebrand.
Twitter was a bird. X is a letter. He paid $44B to remove the bird and add a letter and is currently designing the financial system for the letter. The Laffy Taffy joke on this wrapper is just a screenshot of the old Twitter logo. That's it. That's the joke.
◈ WRAPPER #5 · PETER THIEL
What does Peter Thiel want?
To live forever in New Zealand with an exit strategy for New Zealand.
Zero to One. One to citizenship. Citizenship to compound. The man has an exit strategy for his exit strategy. PayPal → Palantir → Founders Fund → bunker → immortality protocol. The Laffy Taffy wrapper is blank on Peter's side. He removed the joke in 2017 and replaced it with a data center.
◈ WRAPPER #6 · JENSEN HUANG
Why is Jensen Huang always wearing a leather jacket?
Because GPUs run hot and so does he.
NVIDIA went from gaming cards to the entire infrastructure of human intelligence in roughly 18 months. Jensen is the only CEO in big tech who could wear the jacket unironically. He earned it. H100s don't roast. They just print. This is the one wrapper where the joke lands clean. Respect. 925.
SCOREBOARD · LAFFY TAFFY ACCURACY RATING
HOW FUNNY IS THE REALITY VS. THE WRAPPER
Zuckerberg — Location harvest jokeSTILL HAPPENING / 10
Sam Altman — $157B autocompleteTECHNICALLY ACCURATE / 10
Dario Amodei — Worried about his own thingPAINFULLY REAL / 10
Elon — Paid $44B to remove a birdNOT EVEN A JOKE / 10
Peter Thiel — Exit strategy for exit strategyCONFIRMED / 10
Jensen Huang — GPU jacketDESERVED · LET HIM COOK / 10
S'MORES TONIGHT.
CANDY THIS AFTERNOON.
CVS run: Laffy Taffy. Manuka honey. Lottery ticket round two. She picked 4 on Mega. If they hit: all to her. We read the Laffy Taffy wrappers and realized every big tech CEO is just a wrapper joke that raised a Series A. Graham crackers tonight. Chocolate tonight. Roast all day.
KENSHOTEK. WE ROAST AND WE BUILD. SAME DAY. 925.
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